How to Control Ejaculation: 8 Tips for Orgasm Control
If you’ve been too nervous to ask your healthcare provider for tips on “how to hold your cum” or the latest “cum control” techniques, you’re not alone. Talking about your sexual issues can be intimidating despite how common they are.
Fortunately, you don’t have to live with premature ejaculation (PE). Medication, lifestyle changes, and strategies like the stop-start technique are forms of orgasm control that can help you last longer and feel more confident in the bedroom. They’re also safer and more effective than those sketchy gas station sex pills that promise to help you last longer in bed.
Below, we’ve discussed the average time most guys can control ejaculation before reaching the point of no return, how both physical and mental health issues may contribute to premature ejaculation, and eight tips that you can use to practice orgasm control.
Please note: This article discusses how to slow ejaculation for men who want to last longer in bed. We don’t cover the orgasm control kink here, or orgasm denial, a BDSM practice in which a dominant partner controls their partner’s orgasm as a form of consensual torture.
Can Guys Control How Fast They Ejaculate?
Can some men control how long they last better than others? Sort of.
A variety of factors can play a role in cumming too fast. They include sexual performance anxiety, intimacy issues, and hormone imbalances.
A healthcare professional can help you address premature ejaculation when it’s associated with your physical health, but before you schedule an appointment, it might be worth considering the bigger questions, like, “How long does the average guy last?”
improve performance with doctor-trusted treatments
How Long Should A Guy Be Able to Delay Ejaculation?
A 2008 study examined this question in an attempt to arrive at a formal answer. Researchers wanted to see what the typical length of a sexual encounter was and concluded that the average intercourse session lasts for somewhere between three and 13 minutes.
The survey then asked several sex therapists — mental health professionals who specialize in sex — to weigh in on how long sex should last.
The sex therapists shared that sexual intercourse was believed to be “desirable” if it continued for seven to 13 minutes, “adequate” if it lasted for three to seven minutes, and “too long” if it continued for 10 to 30 minutes. As for “too short,” they gave one to two minutes as an answer.
It’s important not to obsess too much over whether or not you’re “normal” and instead focus on what really matters — whether you and your partner enjoy sexual activity.
Orgasm Control: 8 Tips on How to Slow Ejaculation
There are numerous ways to control your orgasm process and stop premature ejaculation, from behavioral techniques you can perform during sex to treatments to address orgasm control.
Kegel exercises and the squeeze method are among the most well-known ways to manage early ejaculation, and some guys swear by masturbation before they initiate foreplay.
Likewise, some guys claim that treatment of premature ejaculation can be done effectively with supplements.
What works, according to science?
We’ve shared eight tips and techniques below to help you have a more pleasurable, longer-lasting sexual experience.
1. Try the Stop-Start Technique
The stop-start technique (also called start-stop) is a technique that can slow down ejaculation. It’s simple — just stop moving your penis when you feel orgasm approaching, wait a moment, and then start again once you feel the sensation pass.
In other words, as soon as you cross that point where both missile keys have been turned, you pull back, take a few deep breaths, and hold still until the urge to fire subsides.
While there’s very little scientific data on the effectiveness of this technique, anecdotally, it seems to be a helpful treatment option for dealing with premature ejaculation.
Since it’s a simple technique to perform and costs nothing, it’s a good first option if you’d like to gain more control over your orgasm and ejaculation process without spending anything.
2. Practice Pelvic Floor Exercises (Kegels)
Also known as kegels, pelvic floor exercises train your pelvic floor muscles to hold back the flow of liquids out of your urinary tract, firming up the surrounding muscles in the process.
Since these muscles weaken with age, it’s a good habit to add a few reps of these exercises to your routine, even if you’re not struggling with sexual stamina issues.
One 2019 review looked at the benefits of kegels as part of 10 erectile dysfunction studies and found kegels often improved symptoms of premature ejaculation.
The systematic review had its own limits, though. For one, there was no clear instruction on how to best perform this type of exercise, such as how many reps, how many seconds to hold, or how often to do it.
Our best advice is to try not to hurt yourself, but otherwise, go with your gut — err, groin — when it comes to performing these exercises effectively.
3. Use Premature Ejaculation Wipes Before Sex
One simple way to reduce your risk of cumming too fast is to use delay wipes on the head of the penis before having sex.
These products, such as our Clockstopper Benzocaine Wipes, reduce sensitivity in your penis and make it easier for you to control your orgasm. This is done with a numbing agent called benzocaine, which is a popular topical anesthetic.
Several studies have looked into the effects of benzocaine on orgasm control, with many showing positive results.
For example, a randomized study published in the Journal of Urology showed strong evidence of increased control of ejaculation, lower distress, and higher sexual satisfaction for benzocaine wipe users.
Benzocaine is available in several forms, including a liquid spray. Other topical anesthetics, like lidocaine, are also used in similar premature ejaculation treatments.
When it comes to topical treatments for PE, just be careful not to employ the wrong strength. More concentrated topicals used for pain may make your penis feel a little too numb for sex, potentially making it harder to maintain a lasting erection.
You also don’t want to apply them right before sex, as this may cause the anesthetic to transfer to your partner’s skin. Instead, aim to use wipes, creams, and other topical products 10 to 15 minutes before sexual activity for best results.
Be ready for sex whenever you’re in the mood
4. Try the Squeeze Technique
The squeeze technique involves squeezing the tip of your penis just before you peak and then holding it until the urge to ejaculate subsides and your arousal level decreases.
Similar to the start-stop technique, few studies look at the effectiveness of the squeeze technique. However, it has a long history and is often used as a method of slowing the ejaculation process by men who don’t want to use medication.
If performing the squeeze technique yourself doesn’t seem appealing, you can ask your partner to gently squeeze in between the glans and shaft of your penis when you feel that you’re about to reach orgasm.
Just make sure that your partner does so gently — you don’t want to squeeze so hard that it affects blood flow to your penis.
5. Wear a Condom
Believe it or not, something as simple as wearing a condom can often help you gain control over your sexual function and avoid cumming too fast.
In addition to reducing your risk of STDs and preventing pregnancy, condoms can delay orgasm by creating a small barrier between your partner and yourself and reducing sensitivity in your penis.
While all condoms will reduce sensitivity by at least some amount, you’ll get the best results with condoms designed for premature ejaculation, which are often thicker and contain topical anesthetics on the inside.
6. Live a Healthy, Balanced Lifestyle
For the most part, better sexual health and better overall health go hand in hand. Put simply, the healthier you become, the less likely it is that you’ll need to deal with sexual performance issues such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction.
To improve your general health, prioritize exercise, eat well, and lower your stress levels. Also, avoid recreational drugs.
Our guide to habits for boosting your sexual performance shares simple but effective habits you can make for improved stamina in bed. These habits can also help reduce the risk of medical conditions that could affect your sexual function over time.
7. Try Counseling
If you think your mental health is affecting your sexual function or your sexual health issues are starting to take a toll on your mental well-being, one of the best things that you can do is to reach out to a mental health provider.
Sexual health issues like premature ejaculation can take a real toll on your mental health, which may increase your risk of sexual performance anxiety and other mental health issues.
In some cases, psychological causes such as chronic stress, depression, or anxiety can contribute to premature ejaculation. Behavioral therapy, couples therapy, and sex therapy can help you deal with anxieties, shame, and other hang-ups, all of which may help address PE and other sex-related problems at their source.
8. Consider Medication for Premature Ejaculation
Although there’s no FDA-approved medication for delaying ejaculation, a variety of medications are used off-label for this purpose.
Currently, the most effective medications for delaying ejaculation are antidepressants like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors.
These medications, which are typically used to treat depression, can slow ejaculation and help you to last longer in bed. They come in tablet or capsule form and are supported by a large volume of evidence showing real improvements in ejaculation latency in men.
In one 2022 review of over 8,000 men with lifelong premature ejaculation, SSRIs and SNRIs lengthened sex by an average of 3.09 minutes compared to placebo. The medications, which included drugs like fluoxetine, sertraline, and paroxetine, were also shown to increase sexual satisfaction.
However, SSRIs and SNRIs come with their own side effects that you should know about before starting treatment. These are generally mild but may affect some aspects of your well-being. It’s important to discuss these potential side effects with your healthcare provider.
Trusted treatment for PE
Traditional Pill
Priligy® (Dapoxetine) for PE
From £8/use
Priligy®️, the branded version of dapoxetine, is the only licensed and clinically approved medication to treat premature ejaculation. It has been shown to increase the time to climax by up to 3 times.
Traditional Pill
Sildenafil for PE
From £2.36/use
Sildenafil (the active ingredient in Viagra®) can be taken as needed to delay ejaculation and improve sexual quality of life.2 Plus, it can help you get another erection more easily after orgasm. Round two?
Traditional Pill
Tadalafil Daily for PE
From £21/month
Tadalafil Daily (the active ingredient as Cialis®) can help improve climax control and overall bedroom performance2. A once-per-day pill that builds up in your system over several days and allows you to be ready for intimacy on your schedule. Being ready to go at any time? Hot.
Important safety information for Sildenafil, Tadalafil, Tadalafil Daily or Viagra Connect.
Orgasm Control: The Bottom Line
Lasting longer during penetrative sex (or even oral sex) is something every guy would like to be able to do. While there’s no way to gain total control over your sexual response, the tactics above can help you slow down and last a little longer. Here’s what we know:
You don’t have to try to “fix” your sex life if you’re both satisfied. Sex doesn’t always last for as long as we think, and having sex for a few minutes at a time isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s also normal to climax early if you’re having sex for the first time with someone. This doesn’t mean you’ll climax early every time.
If lasting longer is important to you, treatments are available. PE treatments include medication, wipes, and other options that can improve sexual stamina.
Lifestyle tweaks can also lead to better orgasms. Practice good habits, talk to your partner, and tune into how your body responds to sexual stimulation to gain more confidence and control.
Interested in learning more about enjoying better sex? Check out our guide to having a healthy sex life for actionable tips you can use for more sexual pleasure.
You can also learn about sex toys that may help you last longer, like penis rings.
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment or medication.